I'm suffocating.

Just came back from dinner. Seafood steamboat. I can still smell the crab and prawn on my shirt. That's how nice it was.

I particularly dislike this week. Week 8. That could be the reason why i dun feel like myself these few days. It started off bad, it ended off like a typical day would just pass by. Especially Wednesday, when i had a super irritating diarreoh in the morning which just pisses me off so much. Dun ask why. I dun like the feeling of walking out a lecture without understanding anything.

I dun like the feeling when the tutors are going through tutorial and i dun understand what they are saying,

Yet, my classmates get it.

Monday, thanks cheena, you were the most unexpected person that will sms me that night. You rock. And to hp, thanks man, i thought you were sleeping already. Lol

Nevertheless, i still appreciate those kind thoughts alot. :D

Tuesday, nothing much.

Wednesday, shooting. Did not really talk much either. Studied in school library until school closes. I shall make this habit to study in school everyday already, until at least common test is over. I dun like not understanding my work. Perhaps in jc1, it's okay. Jc2, somehow or rather, understanding it beats memorizing it.

Thursday, Study again. Ct period was super funny though. Irene Ang came to speak to us. Okay, in simpler terms, the 'wife' of pck. I din know about her, until that day.

Student of Life was the takeaway.

Friday, home. At 3+pm. Wow.

Spent some time at home today. Spent some time thinking about what i was doing with my whole life. I wanted to go back to college to study, but skipped when i heard there was crab over at my uncle's house.

That's not the point.

I've been to many places all over the world. From bangkok to the states. Seen many beautiful sceneries, seen many weird people, encountered alot of unexpected time lag and memorable experiences. Every year, i would go. But i dread going overseas. Until last year.

I guess travelling really gives us a global perspective, differences in culture and practices we have in Singapore compared to the rest. I rarely took notice and today, i've realised alot of differences.

People used to tell me that i was very lucky to able to travel overseas. I told them no, i dreaded going overseas.

Today, i take back all of those words. I did not know how lucky it felt to be travelling overseas every year when some people cannot. I did not know the meaning of cherishing the times i spent with my family when i travel overseas. I kinda regret that. Whenever, i see the poor on television slogging so hard to live on, i really respect them.

Life was tough for them, but they continued to live on, continue to push on despite knowing that they will never have a good life, earning an income that merely allows them to make ends meet. They never procrastinated, persevered throughout. Despite all the technological differences, they are still happy. They like what they do. They like the simple life they have even though everyday was a pain in the ass.

& it makes me feel i'm blessed and at the same time, giving me this 'hey, why complain and give all those shit when i have a proper education and having a healthy life'. But you know, despite that consciously being reminded in my head. I still continue to complain, procrastinate, slack, go out have fun, missing out the pirioties in my life, now.

It's super exhausting this week & i really ain't in the mood to laugh, crack jokes and stuff. Waking up everyday was like standing broad jump. Going to sleep was the best, but waking up isn't. Finishing a tutorial was the best, but not understanding it isn't.

Give me the direction, i'll put a whole lot of magnitude on it. I will.

I ain't in the best moods these few days. I'm rarely like that. But somehow, these few days was just bad. Screwed.

I've got a whole lot of things to say, but i cannot type it out here.

I'm suffocating.

Fuck.

This is for XXXXX.

Heyy irritating ass. I know you're super stressed up and all that jazz these few days. Life isn't really going the way you want it to be going at this point in time. Changes are being made, more to come in the future. Let's be realistic and not run away from reality, some of your fears may come true. We all know that. The truth hurts.

BUT! Dun be afraid to ask us question despite see-ing us so stress. Cause we will be more than happy to help you. Dun feel bad, dun feel you're a nuisance. That's what friends are for. Cliche i know.

When you're on the verge of crying. Close your eyes, think of the, most beautiful, the best thing, the lamest jokes you have. It'll help.

Remember what we all said last time. You are ganna make it through this year. Your name is ganna appear on the screen after promos showing you as the top few in the cohort. And at that time, you know what i'm ganna say to the random person beside me.

"That's my friend, she isn't the best, but she's one hell of a kid".

Keep going mann bitch. You're ganna get stronger after this year.

P.s. Fuck, be honoured man. I rarely type such a long paragraph. HAHAHA.

Byee